Vermillion Part 1: EVERY FUCKING INCH OF THAT BOAT!

The question is, when you see the following, and are tasked to go aboard on behalf of Bill the Pokemaniac (knowing full well that once you get to a certain point, you can never go back), what do you search for goodies?

The answer is EVERY FUCKING INCH OF THAT BOAT! Did you see what I did there? You fucking better have, 'cause it was in big-ass letters.

Seriously, check every fucking inch of that boat.  There's a Great Ball in the trash in the kitchen.  You didn't know there was a kitchen? YA DIDN'T CHECK EVERY FUCKING INCH THEN, DID YA?! Stupid-ass...

If for no other reason, check for this.  Otherwise, there's a bunch of TMs, a Rare Candy, and a fucking FLEET of trainers who want to battle because they've been trapped in tiny rooms on this ship since you started your adventure in Pallet Town, and since nobody gets any pussy in the Pokemon world, they gotta battle to fight off the blue balls...

He said with a chuckle, looking at the above image.

That was a third-person narrative insert, for anybody who never read a book...but decided to read a blog after a lifetime of literary neglect...

He murmured cautiously, questioning the sense of the joke he just tried to make.

Anyway, a lot of sailors wanna fight you to protect their shitty Max Ethers, so yeah.  The amount of times I just went into a battle knowing I would lose because I didn't want to walk ALL THE GODDAMN WAY BACK TO THE POKEMON CETNER was staggering.  Like...fucking eight times.  Also, fuck Tentacool.  Apparently, he doesn't have to follow any of the type rules, and neither does Voltorb (which is another reason why I hate that shifty cunt).

The main reason you go on the S.S. Anne is to get HM 01: Cut so you can finally go to like 90% of the fucking map.  Do you remember how you get it? You have to go to the top of the ship, speak to the seasick captain, then rub his back and he gives it to you.

This is, by far, the creepiest fucking thing in the whole goddamn game...even beats Cubone wearing his mother's skull.  Look at the fucking dialogue breakdown:

CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHEN THE FUCK IT'S OKAY TO DO THIS?!? FUCKING WHEN?!?

Of course, you can't just walk up to the captain right out of the gates.  Oh no...first, you need to fight...

THE PAIN IN THE ASS YOU JUST FOUGHT LIKE 5 MINUTES AGO!

Apparently, anyone can get on the S.S. Anne.

Main difference between this fight and the last fight is except for his Pidgeotto, every one of his Pokemon evolved.  Abra became Kadabra, Rattata became Raticate, and Squirtle finally fucking evolved into Wartortle.  I was sporting a mean-ass Geodude at the time, so those a majority of his dudes went down like fucking chumps.  Then Oddish knocked Wartortle on his ass and Fag-Bag was off.

All things considered, there's only three things I'll remember about the S.S. Anne:

1) Getting HM 01: Cut

2) Getting the Great Ball

3) Seeing perseverance triumph and reward the patient...

Quake with fear, you miserable shits! GYARADOS IS HERE FOR YOUR ASS AND HE'S GOING IN RAW-DOG!

(Continued in Part 2)