Fuschia City Gym: Koga, the ONLY ONE IN HIS GYM THAT USES THE RIGHT TYPE!
Fucking seriously. He's the Poison-type gym leader, but all the other trainers in his gym were like, "Nah, we're gonna use Psychic-types. They're stronger and we may need to stage a coup." And he's just like, "Uhh...d'okay." Where's the commanding leadership, ass-hat? If this is a Poison gym, fucking get everyone to use Poison-types!
Fuckin'...I'm gonna let Kadabra kill you.
First up: Koffing
Bait and switch Goldeen to get the experience. Let Kadabra take the first hit. Use that X Attack, Koga...it will be wasted after Kadabra one-shots Koffing with Psybeam.
And it's a critical hit. Super effective. I did my homework with Team Rocket, asshole. I know what breaks you. NEXT!
Next up: Yucky-ass Muk
I notice you're still using Poison-types. I bet you've noticed that you ain't done SHIT to Kadabra. Bait and switch. Come on, grape pudding! Let's see what you got!
Another X Attack??? You out your damn mind? You know what's out my damn mind?
PSYBEAM, STUPID!
Hey...you actually survived that. Kudos. Please don't poison me. I'm really all talk.
ANOTHER FUCKING X ATTACK?!?!? YOU ARE KILLING YOUR MUK, KOGA! Did the first asshole with four Pokemon to walk into Fuschia City get to be the gym leader? Your qualifications are horrendous.
Alrighty...Psychic attack. Now Muk is dead. I hope you're proud of yourself. He died. He DIED. Fucking DIED. Go to Lavender Town and bury your shame.
Third up: Koffing--wait, fucking seriously?
You have TWO KOFFINGS? Wha--why?!?! Get an Arbok or some shit! What happened to the Venomoth you had in the anime? Did you sell it to get more X Attacks?
And it's the same level as the last one, but thank GOD you decided to actually attack with Sludge.
Oof...good hit, too. One point away from 50% health. Too bad I Psybeamed your psy into dumb.
Please send out your last victim, stupid.
Final opponent: Weezing, for a change
Am I to assume, then, at one point, Koga fought challengers for the Soulbadge with THREE FUCKING KOFFINGS?!
I may just let Goldeen try to kill you on its own, to further shame your pathetic dojo of dicks.
Level 43? Well...Goldeen, you better fall the fuck back, son. You are level 21 and will probably die.
Kadabra...just try to survive for one good shot.
SELFDESTRUCT?!?!?!?! FUCKING WHY?!?!?!?! YOU COULD HAVE HAD THIS!!!!! NOW GOLDEEN GETS ALL THE FUCKING EXPERIENCE!!!
...Goldeen gets all the experience? 1593 exp points?! I'll take it.
Koga...I am so disappointed in you. Fucking for real? Disappointed. Now I'm gonna take a few victory swims around the Safari Zone and reap the benefits of my victory. Dumbass...
Charizard, Lvl 40
Kadabra, Lvl 37
Pidgeot, Lvl 36
Dugtrio, Lvl 35
Haunter, Lvl 30
Goldeen, Lvl 23
Pokedex: 52, Badges: 5
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