Lance, the Elite Fourth
I'm here! I'm actually here! Okay, get your shit together. You're banking on Articuno hard for this fight, and if not, you have to rely on Vaporeon. I'm not in a strong position, but it's too late to go back now!
First Up: Gyarados
Shit! I just remembered! I have to lead off with Zapdos and bank on Thunder connecting!
Zapdos, don't you fucking DARE fuck me here!
YOU FUCKING WHORE!!!!!!!! You can't miss when this much is on the line!
Dragon Rage? Okay, only 40 damage from 181. Good. Try again.
BOOM! There it is! One-hit K.O.! Articuno, get your fucking ass out there and freeze these bitches up!
Second Opponent: Dragonair
Okay, remember how I said Ninetails is the sexiest Pokemon alive? I may have misspoke.
Ice Beam! One-hit K.O.! That's why you're a LEGENDARY bird!
Middle Guy: Dragonair
Okay, this shit has to fucking stop. I know you have a Dragonite, too. Is this like a thing? All the really strong trainers have three of the same fucking Pokemon and they have to evolve at least one of them? This is such fucking shenanigans. It's even the same goddamn level as the last one!
Ice Beam again, Articuno! One-shot K.O.! I feel like a fucking monster! Hubris...rising...
Fourth Foe: Aerodactyl
Wait. This Pokemon is extinct. How the fuck did you get this guy? Did you break into the museum in Pewter Town? THIEF!
Ice Beam again! Risky, but gotta save Blizzard for when the chips are down.
He hits me with Supersonic?! Oh FUCK! This could be terrible.
Ice Beam connects! Aerodactyl goes down! Hells yeah, motherfucker!
Lance's Champion: Dragonite
He looks cute, but he will fuck me righteously if he hits me with Hyper Beam. Articuno...FOCUS!
CONFUSED NO MORE! BLIZZARD! SUCK A CUNT, DRAGONITE! YOU ARE DOOOOOOOWN! D-O-W-N DOWN!
Elite Four? Elite WHORE is more like it!
Does that make sense? No? Fuck your mother. I have to go wreck Ass-Bag.
Zapdos, Lvl 56
Articuno, Lvl 52
Alakazam, Lvl 51
Charizard, Lvl 50
Moltres, Lvl 50
Vaporeon, Lvl 50
Pokedex: 92, Badges: 8
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