Down Goes Frazier! Down Goes Frazier!

Before I even got to playing, I had to do the old blow-on-the-cartridge maneuver to get the game to work.  GOD do I both simultaneously miss and not miss that!

So...Vermillion Gym...

First off, did you know Lieutenant Surge's nickname in the game is "The Lightning American"? Damn, that's funny as hell.  I wonder if the Japanese are still sore about Nagasaki and Hiroshima.  I guess we'll find out if Black 2 and White two have an American gym leader who specializes in Radioation-type Pokemon...which I guess could be an Electric/Poison type.  There isn't one yet, so get to it, Nintendo.

And apparently, the reason why Lt. Surge uses Electric-type Pokemon is because they saved his ass in "the war", by "zapping [his] enemies into paralysis."  Fucking seriously? And then what, he shot them? It WAS a war, after all.  I mean, Jesus Christ, that's fucking dark.  The last thing you see in combat is that jerk-off standing over you, laughing as he clutches a machine gun aimed at your paralyzed body, and there's a fucking Raichu there in a combat helmet.

Secondly, do you remember that there's a puzzle in order to get to fight Lt. Surge? His gym is full of trashcans and there's two switches that you have to hit to open a magnetically-sealed door to get to him.  Sounds simple, right?

The switches move.

And they reset if you miss the second one.

And you have a 50% chance of fucking it up in the best position, 75% in the worst.

Spent 30 minutes looking in the fucking garbage for switches.  Finally got the door open.  Here I come, you bleach-blonde bitch.  I don't remember what Pokemon he has, but I DO know he ends shit with a Raichu made of pure hate.

Vermillion City Gym: Lt. Surge, the Shock-Top American White

First up: Voltorb, the Shifty Cunt

FUCK! Why did it have to be Voltorb in Round One? Okay, I have no idea what kind of attack Sonicboom is, but why the fuck does it do normal damage on my Geodude.  Oh, and Surge, thanks for the X-Speed on Voltorb.  Geodude's slow as shit already and misses Rock Throw like 80% of the time.  What, did you want two attacks per turn? Fuck you, Guile.

Well, three quick Rock Throws versus some poorly-chosen Tackles grants me victory in Round One.

Second up: Not Your Fucking Pikachu

This Pikachu is not your goddamn friend.  I figured Geodude had another good round in him before Selfdestruct had to be considered as a viable option, since electric attacks don't do shit to Geodude.

And another X-Speed from Surge! Fuckin'...can you stop that?

Wasted, though.  All Pikachu got in was one effective Growl and two Thundershocks (to which Geodude is immune) before he was beaten against the wall like and old tapestry.  Two out of three with really only one Pokemon; this is the best I've ever done against him, but there's still...

Last up: Raichu, the Hate-Beast

Such haaaaaate in those eyes! Time for Diglett to prove his quality.

Raichu tried one Thunderbolt.  Did not work.  Then Diglett dug.  Oh, how he dug.  One-shot kill.  Down goes Frazier.

And, of course, we couldn't have done it without Abra.

Thanks, Abra.  You're the fucking champ.  Way to goddamn go, Abra.  Say, how about you pick up a spoon and grow a mustache and learn some psychic attacks, huh? Later? Ehh...fucking whatever.

The Rock Tunnel is gonna be an ordeal.  It usually is.  I fucking want an Onix!

Charmeleon, Lvl 26

Diglett, Lvl 25

Geodude, Lvl 21

Pikachu, Lvl 21

Gyarados, Lvl 21

Abra, Lvl 14

Pokedex: 27, Badges: 3