Cerulean City Gym: Misty, the Moist Bitch
Every time I went up against her way back when this game first came out, my ten-year-old self would be like, "Fucking...this GODDAMN STARMIE! Fuck Bubblebeam!" She'd kick my ass the first 3 times I'd go up against her, then I'd win by the seat of my pants. But now that I have the wherewithal (I actually had to look up fucking "wherewithal" because I've never written it down nor seen it written down before in my life...go figure) to know what she's weak against, and if I was able to kick Brock's ass with a lower level team of weaker types on the first go, this slut's got no chance.
First up: Staryu
I went cocky here and heading my team with Magikarp, then did the experience bait-and-switch with Pikachu. Took a small Tackle in the swap, but paralyzed the fucker right quick with Thunderwave. Two quick Thundershocks and the dick went down hard. Decided I'm gonna give Pikachu a rest and give the next fight to my tough-ass Oddish who don't take shit. Well...Oddish and Magikarp, of course. Charmeleon can sit down and shut the fuck up for a little while.
Last up: Goddamn it Fucking STARMIE!!!!!!
This cunt....this cunt right here...hate him. Misty gave this shit an X-Defend, as if she was fucking READING THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE! FUCKING META! Oh, and apparently, fucking immune to Poisonpowder, so that's fucking super. Oddish's Absorb attack did fucking NOTHING because of the X-Defend, so no goddamn regeneration of health. Fucking dropped Oddish like a bad habit. Gotta bring the Pika back.
Down to 5 health now, just to get this asshole paralyzed. Thunderstrike got him down to half, but then came the MOTHERFUCKING BUBBLEBEAM! FUCKING BUBBLEBEAM!!!!!!!!
Gotta hope and pray with Butterfree, hoping Confusion will kick his ass, since Starmie becomes a secondary Psychic-type upon evolution.
...and it's not very effective. Goddamn it, I need to do more research. Butterfree goes down, too. AND HE'S STILL FUCKING PARALYZED, MIND YOU!
I nearly lost that one, but I emerged victorious with my next choice. Overpower with Charmeleon? Outta left field with Magikarp? NOPE!
MOTHERFUCKIN' CAPTAIN SAND-ATTACK OVER HERE! THIS GUY! LOVE THIS GUY! Pidgey has nearly single-handedly won both gym battles thus far. This guy right here is a champ. I decided to take him down Route 5 towards Saffron City to make a few victory laps, fight some new Pokemon...you know, the usual way a Pokemon fucking celebrates something. I don't know THEY LIVE THEIR LIVES IN SPHERES!
That's where this nasty cunt lives now. Do you remember the Mankey/Primeape episode from the anime where Ash was way too invested in his hat and nearly got his shit fucking killed? Needed a Fighting-type...not sure why. FUCK, what is Fighting strong against??!
Normal, Rock, and Ice. Well...shit, okay, I'll hold onto him for the Elite Four.
But yeah, victory lap was mostly to earn Pidgey his reward for kicking so much ass.
Earned it, buddy. Earned it. Let's go to the Underground Tunnel so we can fuck Lieutenant Surge up. You'll probably sit out for that battle, though, because Raichu will probably butt-fuck you.
Charmeleon, Lvl 19
Pidgeotto, Lvl 18
Pikachu, Lvl 17
Magikarp, Lvl 16
Oddish, Lvl 15
Butterfree, Lvl 15
Pokedex: 18, Badges: 2
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