GIOVANNI: My attempts at global domination as the leader of Team Rocket have all been foiled, but I can still be an absolute bastard by returning to my old position as leader of the Viridian City Gym. I will watch as the fresh faces of new Pokemon trainers from Pallet Town come to my city, attempt to gain their first badge, and suffer crippling defeats at the hands of my Ground-type Pokemon! They'll be so disheartened, they'll want to give up Pokemon training forever! And all those experienced trainers who had their hopes of one day fighting the Elite Four will be equally crushed by my superior gym staff and Pokemon Team!
INTERCOM: Challenger for Earthbadge approaching. Challenger for Earthbadge approaching.
GIOVANNI: What?! Already? Who could possibly--?
FUCK, I: Motherfucker, we are doing this right now.
GIOVANNI: The 10 year old?! The fucking 10 YEAR OLD got past all of you?!
FUCK, I: The name is Fuck, I...but right now, I'm feeling more like Fuck, You.
GIOVANNI: I created Mewtwo, damn it! You don't scare me! I got my gym Pokemon with me now, and they're twice as tough as the shit you faced in the Game Corner or Silph Co.!
FUCK, I: I spanked you once, I'll spank you again, bitch!
(Y'all really want to get in the mood for this one? Play this while you read.)
Viridian City Gym: Giovanni, the Rocket Man
Seven out of eight Kanto gym leaders have fallen before me and now I intend to take on the Elite Four. Only this greasy bastard stands between me and ultimate victory, the cementing of my name in Kanto's Pokemon history! He hasn't defeated me yet, and I sure as hell don't plan on losing to him now...not when I have the type-advantage and sheer tenacity on my side! I fear nothing, Giovanni!
HAJIME!
First Opponent: Rhyhorn
I've seen this bastard back at the Game Corner. Articuno can end this punk for me easily enough. Go! Ice Beam! K.O.!
GIOVANNI: Impressive. You've managed to catch the legendary Articuno, and it's just as strong as I'd imagined. Rumor from Saffron City is that you defeated Sabrina with a Zapdos. You certainly have grown, my friend, but you'll never survive to find Moltres in Victory Road!
FUCK, I: Just throw the ball, old man. Ain't got time for your shit.
Second Challenger: Dugtrio, the Badass
I've used Dugtrio to embarrass Lt. Surge, but now it's time for Articuno to embarrass Dugtrio. Another Ice Beam! K.O.!
GIOVANNI: Very impressive indeed, but do you plan on hiding behind your legendary bird for the entire battle?
FUCK, I: Go ahead, you send out your next Pokemon and I'll switch Articuno out and beat your ass with someone different. Will that make you feel better?
Halfway Point: Nidoqueen
Alakazam, you've been there through the worst of it, and you suffered the most at the hands of Sabrina. Get in there and show these ugly Poison cunts what you're made of! Psybeam! Not a one-hit, but you should be fine.
You can take a Scratch, Alakazam. Shake it off! One more Psybeam! K.O.!
GIOVANNI: I do believe I recognize that Pokemon...but he was just a Kadabra when last I saw him. You've found a transfer cable!
FUCK, I: I ain't the only one doing nostalgia runs, Giovanni, now bring out this bitch's husband!
Fourth Foe: Nidoking, the Earth-wrecker
I haven't seen any of Giovanni's Pokemon use Fissure yet, but that would fuck up my day pretty bad. Alakazam, take no chances! Psychic attack! K.O.!
GIOVANNI: So be it, little man! You want to play hard-ball?! HERE COMES THE FUCKING THUNDER!
Giovanni's Ace-In-The-Hole: Rhydon the Fucking Thunder
Articuno is faster, and if I hit him with Blizzard, he won't have a chance to even TRY Fissure. Yes, it's a Ground-type attack and shouldn't effect Flying-types, but I'm taking no chances! Articuno, use Blizzard!
K-fucking-O!
GIOVANNI: Ha! That was a truly intense fight! You have won!
FUCK, I: No fucking duh.
GIOVANNI: As proof, here is the Earthbadge and $4950.
FUCK, I: Damn right!
GIOVANNI: The Earthbadge makes Pokemon of any level obey! It is evidence of your mastery as a Pokemon trainer! With it, you can enter the Pokemon League!
FUCK, I: I gotta say, you're taking this like a champ, considering how badly I just whooped your sorry Rocket ass.
GIOVANNI: Having lost, I cannot face my underlings. Team Rocket is finished forever. I will dedicate my life to the study of Pokemon. Let us meet again some day! Farewell! (disappears)
FUCK, I: How the fuck does he keep doing that?!? Shit, gotta go catch Moltres! Everyone and everything get the fuck outta my way! I NEED ULTRA-BALLS!
Articuno, Lvl 50
Charizard, Lvl 45
Vaporeon, Lvl 43
Tentacruel, Lvl 43
Seaking, Lvl 42
Alakazam, Lvl 42
Pokedex: 89, Badges: 8
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