Did you guess eight. Because there's eight. There's fucking eight of them. And they're all women and they all love Bellsprout for some fuck-all reason.
Charmeleon just kept fucking all those bitches up one by one, but I'm pretty sure he was starting to feel bad about it. He was like, "Hey dude...these chicks seem alright. Do I have to set all of their Pokemon on fire?" And I was like, "Fuck YES you have to! Do you want to lose?! Is that what you want?!" Then he was all, "No, I get it...just...can we take a break and fight some folks a little more challenging?"
I was like, "Okay."
So we took a slight detour back into Saffron City and started fucking up the Fighting Dojo. You don't get a badge for beating this "gym", but you do get to pick either Hitmonlee or Hitmonchan at the end of the whole ordeal. Now, I'm not gonna tell you which one I'm gonna pick, but I will say that I'm gonna pick the one I DIDN'T pick when I played the game last...like 12 years ago.
No, you don't get a say in the matter! You get a say in the Eevee matter, which is WAY more fucking influential, you stupids. So far, the votes I've received are as follows:
Flareon: 0
Jolteon: 1
Vaporeon: 1
I'm opening the voting up to Facebook, so if you have an opinion on the matter, fucking VOICE IT! I will not count your votes twice, so don't fucking even...
So...fuckin'...this bitch.
Celadon City Gym: Erika, the Grass Geisha (that won't do any of the fun sexual stuff)
First up: Victreebel, the Sentient Leafy Condom
I decided to let Charmeleon have the full run of this gym. Dude's earned it. He's done his time on the back bench, he's pulled off enough assists...it's his time to shine!
FUCKING SPAM EMBER FOR AS LONG AS YOU BREATHE!
You tried to Poisonpowder Charmeleon? FUCK POWDER! He'll burn that shit while it's still in the air and make MORE EMBERS! Stupid leafy condom. Don't you know who you're up against?! SIT THE FUCK DOWN!
Next Up: Tangela, a.k.a. That Creepy Bush Thing
What do you look like under those vines, you creepy shit? We're gonna find out. BURN IT TO THE GROUND!
Only level 24?! ARE YOU FUCKING HIGH?!? Charmeleon hit level 36 after taking down your prophylactic friend! WHAT FUCKING CHANCE DID YOU THINK YOU STOOD AGAINST THIS BEAST! ONE-SHOT KILL! SIT THE FUCK DOWN!
Final Bout: Vileplume, that Sexy Cunt
I know this bitch got Mega-Drain, but you think that's gonna fuck up Charmeleon's day? HAVE YOU SEEN HIM?!? ARE WE IN THE SAME FUCKING GYM?!?! HE'S ON THE WARPATH!!!!!!!
BURRRRRRRRN HIMMMMMMMMMMM DOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWN!!!!!!!!!
Ember took his ass down to half. Better use that Mega-Drain, you poor bastard.
Only 7 damage? SEVEN?!? Child, you're gonna be in for a terrible day...
EMMMMMMMMMBERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! CRITICAL FUCKING HIT!
You...Erika...are FUCKING DONE!
Wait...
...dear God. It's happening....
The #1 on my Top 10...
The Destroyer of Worlds...he is upon us!
It's the moment every child dreams of, whether it's while opening a booster pack of Pokemon cards, while seeing their Charmeleon level up again in the game, or while sitting down to watch the anime. Nothing beats seeing your very own Charizard emerge for the first time. I mean, the guys on the fucking box art for crying out loud!
Now, he's here and he's ready to fuck y'all up. The only two milestones left in the life of a Charmander-player is when you fire learn Flamethrower and when you eventually get Fire Blast. Then, it's all downhill.
Speaking of downhill, I have to wake up some fat lazy cunt that's been blocking the road to Fuschia City for what can only be assumed as centuries. Here we go, Pokeflute...let's play you the song of my people.
Charizard, Lvl 36
Dugtrio, Lvl 34
Kadabra, Lvl 32
Haunter, Lvl 29
Growlithe, Lvl 28
Vileplume, Lvl 26
Pokedex: 41, Badges: 4
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