I took you out before you beat the Elite Four, I'm gonna take you out now, motherfucker. I named you Ass-Bag for a reason, and I'm gonna show you what the fuck is up!
First Up: Pidgeot
I need Zapdos to Thunder him down. This shit better hit.
AND NOPE! FUCKING NOPE! GREAT JOB!
Whirlwind?! HA! Fucking asshole!
Thunder hits! The last PP of it, and Pidgeot goes down! Great news.
Second Challenger: Alakazam
I don't have anything too strong against Psychic, so I'm gonna stick with Zapdos and Drill Peck. God, I hope this works.
Psychic hits first. Shit. 91/185 health. And Drill Peck doesn't one-hit. I may need to sacrifice Zapdos and use Thunder Wave.
Psybeam takes me down to 46/185, but Thunder Wave connects and paralyzes. I get one more shot at him before shit gets real.
Drill Peck takes him out. Cool beans.
Third Opponent: Rhydon
I need Articuno for this guy. Hopefully, I hit first. No chances. Use Blizzard.
And it hits first! Rhydon goes fucking down!
What's next, fucker?
Fourth Foe: Arcanine
He hits first with Leer. Great going, Fag-Bag. All the cards are on the table and you whip out Leer? This isn't a multi-turn fight. This battle is strike first, strike hard, no mercy. Cobra-Kai, bitch!
SO CLOSE TO A ONE-HIT! SO FUCKING CLOSE!
You tried Leer AGAIN?!?!?!??!?!?! AND IT FAILED?!? You deserve this.
Water Gun. Fuck this shit-head.
Fifth Opponent: Exeggutor
He's weak against Flying, but he's also weak against Fire. Zapdos, I need you to hold off for a while, I'm gonna give this one to Charizard.
You've been there since the beginning, and you ain't ready for Blastoise, so give me a good Fire Blast and we can call it a wrap.
Okay, more than half damage, but not close enough to a one-hit. It's okay...just survive.
Stomp. 119/158. Good, and no flinching. One more Fire Blast and you're set.
AND YOU MISS?!?! Did you not hear my shit with Zapdos? Get it together, Charizard.
Stomp again. 81/158. Survived still, but no risking inaccuracy. Hit him Flamethrower.
Good! He's down. Only one more to go, and it's the fucking Hammer.
Champion of Indigo Plateau: Blastoise, the Fucking Hammer
I know you're weak, but you're also fast. Zapdos, send him as close to hell as you can. This ain't no Nuzlocke run. Go for it.
Start with Thunder Wave. Be a team player.
Good. Paralyzed.
It knows Blizzard?!? Shit...
Well, there goes Zapdos.
Alakazam. Hit him hard and pray for the best.
Psychic attack. Blastoise down to quarter health.
FULLY PARALYZED! NOW YOU GET THE ASS-RAPE!
Psychic again! BLASTOISE IS DOWN--!
...holy shit.
...HOLY SHIT, I FUCKING DID IT!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nohsA4R_1HU&list=UUdJdEguB1F1CiYe7OEi3SBg&index=19&feature=plcp
Also, check out Game Grumps on YouTube. They are the inspiration behind this blog, so show them the due respect.
Hey, Professor Oak! What the fuck are you doing here? Here to enter me into the Pokemon League Hall of Fame? Yeah, that's pretty legit. You go ahead and you do that.
These Pokemon down here are fucking FAMOUS NOW! And Moltres didn't do shit!
Zapdos, Lvl 57
Articuno, Lvl 52
Alakazam, Lvl 51
Charizard, Lvl 50
Moltres, Lvl 50
Vaporeon, Lvl 50
Pokedex: 92, Badges: 8
No comments:
Post a Comment