Everybody Evolve! We're Going To Walmart!

Jesus Christ, was the Rock Tunnel productive! First off, sent in Clefairy as my bait-and-switcher and he  doubled in level (now at 20).  Furthermore, I finally caught my Onix.

You were too late to help with Lt. Surge, but Blaine could still suffer greatly at your hands, my friend.

Also...like...fuckin' everyone evolved while trying to get through there.

Oddish finally evolved...into the most unappealing fucking Pokemon ever created for Generation 1.  I will fix this in Celadon City.

Abra found a spoon and some swagger! The fighting "gym" where you get the Hitmonlee or Hitmonchan is in for a sore asshole.

And a triple-Diglett! Okay...how was this decided as his evolutionary form? This seems fucking lazy.  Watch...their gonna create another evolution for Dugtrio in a later generation and it's just gonna be five fucking Digletts in one hole.

Skipping over Lavender Town for now because I don't have the Silph Scope, the music is creepy, and there's a jerk-off who wants to judge what I call my Pokemon.  How about fuck you, buddy?

So...magical things happened on the way to Celadon City: I ran into one of my Top 6.  That's right, we all have a Top 6 favorite Gen-I Pokemon.  Just to be clear, I had two out of six when I ran into my #3, so I was getting pretty excited already.

To be clear on my Top 6:

#6 - Gyarados
#5 - Kadabra
#4 - Scyther
#3 - ???????

I will reveal the rest as I get them...just building the suspense for shits and giggles.  But as a hint, you usually have to either work your ASS off to get one of the favorites, they're difficult to catch, or they are just fucking awesome.

But #3 has a fucking attack that makes him just as difficult to catch as an Abra, so shiiiiiiiiit! I bribed Clefairy that if he could be responsible for me catching #3, I'd give it a Moon Stone and evolve it.  Apparently, Sing doesn't work on fucking ANYTHING so I put that little shit back in the computer.  The champion that brought me my #3?

My #7! Granted, he didn't make the cut because he reminds me of a sad time in the anime, but he's still a fucking CHAMP! Lured #3 into a false sense of security by being type-weak against it, but knocked his ass out with Sleep Powder, popped a Confusion or two at him, and BOOM! Great ball catches...

I LOVE THIS FUCKING ASSHOLE SO MUCH! Like, I don't even want to evolve him into an Arcanine because this dude is sweet as shit.  Also, does anyone remember the episode where James from Team Rocket goes home to his rich-ass family and reunites with his Growlithe? No matter how evil you are, can't say no to a fucking Growlithe.  I love all the Pokemon on my Top 6 list, but Growlithe is the only one I'd practically want in the real world if Pokemon actually existed.  I mean, everything else seems like a real handful.  Growlithe...we are gonna fuck Erika up.

So...question...what's the first thing you do when you get to Celadon City?

Go to the fucking Walmart and shove rocks at your Pokemon is what you do!

BOOM!

Now Gloom isn't an ugly disgusting cunt.  Now he's sexy! BOOM!

Now Pikachu is a bastion of pure hate.  Fuck 'em up!

Then...the most pressure-filled decision falls upon you as you remember why you have to go up the back staircases of the Pokemon Mansion.  This may be worse than having to choose your starting Pokemon.  Y'all know this fucker and the looming question he poses:

My sphincter just clenched from the anxiety.  What the fuck do I do with this thing?! I can't keep him as an Eevee; nobody fucking owns an Eevee for more than 12 seconds!

I shouldn't pick Flareon because I already have a very strong Fire-type and I'm gonna be leveling my Growlithe soon, so a Flareon would be superfluous; then again, I am gonna face Erika soon and I could always use a back-up.

I shouldn't pick Jolteon because I'll probably catch a lot of extra Electric-types at the Power Plant, including Zapdos (knock on wood), so a Jolteon isn't gonna be very contributory; then again, he'd be helpful when I have to sail out to Cinnabar and the Seafoam Islands and face all those Water-types.

I shouldn't pick Vaporeon because I have Gyarados already, and I won't need too many Water-types because I want to have a Dewgong and a Seaking eventually.

Then again, it WOULD get Ice and Poison-type attacks as well, so he would be pretty versatile.

God, this is like Sophie's Choice!

...except I'm not in Auschwitz.

...and the S.S. isn't making me indirectly kill one of my children.

...and nothing is in Polish.

Other than those little details, this is EXACTLY like Sophie's Choice.  Voice your opinions over which one you think I should get and I shall consider your remarks.  You know what fucking Pokemon I have, since I've posted every capture and evolution on this blog...so do the research and make a decision!

I will hold off for a while on the decision, though...that high-ass bitch in the gym needs to get schooled and I need to grind up my gang for the battle.

Charmeleon, Lvl 28

Dugtrio, Lvl 28

Mankey, Lvl 20

Pidgeotto, Lvl 19

Kadabra, Lvl 19

Growlithe, Lvl 15

Pokedex: 35, Badges: 3