I explored the area around Celadon City, trying to remember where to pick up HM 02: Fly, when I saw this little number:
Why, hello there, Mr. Funny-butt! You wanna come live in a computer? SO BE IT! Fucking caught. And I was gonna walk away from that area to try to further plot when I was legitimately challenged and impressed by one Pokemon I had previously thought undesirable.
You have earned my respect, Spearow...for now, at least.
The things I could do to further plot and not jeopardize losing a chance to catch a rare Pokemon were as follows:
1) Obtain the Silph Scope
2) Obtain the Poke Flute
3) Obtain the Master Ball
Let's rock and roll, bitch! Celadon City's Game Corner is run by Team Rocket. Wait, a mafia running a casino? FUCKING MADNESS!
They were all very predictable, as Team Rocket enforces a strict dress code, as well as a very limited Pokemon roster, which includes mostly Poison-types that my Dugtrio and Kadabra love to beat the shit out of in their spare time. Awesome.
By the way...fucking Team Rocket and their affiliates at Silph Co. have some of the weirdest fucking technology in their buildings that would seems to greatly hinder productivity. Tiles on the ground that randomly teleport you somewhere else in the building or send you spinning off in one direction, never to stop unless you come across a special checkered tile. Who fucking designed these buildings? It's like Frank Gehry and M. C. Escher in a circle-jerk in the Kanto corporate world.
Also, fuck these assholes who show up to a Pokemon fight with just one Pokemon. It's usually an Electrode, it's usually level 30 or above, and it will ALWAYS Self-destruct right outta the gate. Fuck you. Learn skills. Your Electrode is an upside-down Voltorb and is a fucking bully.
So, I got the Silph Scope without major incident, so that means it was on to the Pokemon Tower to rescue Mr. Fuji. Now, I don't know how frequent they show up here, but I found it VERY peculiar and fitting that the first Pokemon I came across while in the tower (and caught, by the way) was this little guy:
I LOVE Cubones! They have such a tragic story attached to them, and especially since you have to battle Cubone's mother in order to send her soul to rest, it just makes it all the more poignant. As a side note, this guy was the ONLY Cubone I saw while in there, so I want to believe that he is THE Cubone.
Tangent!
The evolution tree of Cubone was supposed to be as follows:
Cubone --> Marowak --> Kangaskhan
However, they ran into errors in the programming of this evolution tree, so instead of finding the problem and fixing it, they just made Kangaskhan it's own Pokemon that has no evolutions and the coding was mutated in the cover-up and became Missigno. Don't believe me?
Fuck you, believe me.
Anyway, I can never wait to get to the Pokemon tower because this is why...
Caught him as soon as I could and immediately put him in the bait-and-switch position, but shortly thereafter, I found that I didn't need to do that. For you see...
I had found my #2 on it's own at 4 levels higher. He put up quite a fight, but in the end, I nabbed him and released the Gastly. Now, I know it's kind of an unpopular strategy, but if I find a Pokemon in the wild of a higher level than the same Pokemon I currently own, I catch the better one and release the shittier one. Fuck you, I don't have the time to level Zubat or Mankey to 20-something to evolve. I have a blog to write.
And in case you are curious, I'm going to fill Haunter into my Top 6 list, but also extend it to Top 10...'cause, y'know...it's nicer.
#10 - Machoke
#9 - Bulbasaur
#8 - Dewgong
#7 - Butterfree
#6 - Gyarados
#5 - Kadabra
#4 - Scyther
#3 - Growlithe
#2 - Haunter
#1 - ???????
Anyway, I'm going through the Tower, when I see this guy standing by a gravestone. I talk to him to see what was up, but I get thrown into a battle. Why?
'Cause it's ASS-BAG! OUTTA FUCKIN' NOWHERE! One by one, his Pidgeotto, his Kadabra, his Wartortle, his new Growlithe, and his new Exeggcute all fell before the strength of my seemingly-unbeatable team--
Wait a minute...what ever happened to his Raticate? He just had it on the S.S. Anne?
And why is he in the Pokemon Tower? If he's looking to battle ME, he couldn't have known I'd go there; none of my Pokemon died. But there he was, standing right there, looking right at that Pokemon grave, and--
O.O
...I...I killed his Raticate onboard the S.S. Anne. There was no Pokemon Center on the boat, and it left harbor shortly after I got off of the ship...so he must have been stranded on that cruise-liner as he watched his Raticate slowly die from lack of medical care...
...
...fucking DESERVED IT! Fuck Hyper Fang and fuck that Raticate!
This belongs to me now, and it may be the most useful thing since the Bicycle. I never have to buy Awakenings again, and SLP is no longer a multi-turn status effect for my Pokemon. WOO! Time to get me a Master Ball!
Okay...can I just say that I fucking hate the Silph Co. building? Eleven story teleporter maze. Eleven! That's too many. But I finally got to what I believed was the right path, thanks to the Card Key. I say "what I believed was the right path" because I never got to the end. Why?
'Cause it's ASS-BAG! OUTTA FUCKIN' NOWHERE! AGAIN!
This time, this motherfucker must have ground his Pokemon into...well...the fucking ground, because everyone grew about ten levels, evolved, and was out for blood. Fucking Pidgeotto became Pidgeot, Kadabra became Alakazam (which I call bullshit on, because he would have had to trade that fucker to get an Alakazam), and the Pokemon I call "the Fucking Hammer" finally reared his head...
Blastoise. Level 40. Did not stand a fucking chance. He wiped my ass out like a fucking bidet and sent me packing back to Celadon City.
C'est la guerre, I suppose...
Soon, my precious, you shall be mine. In the meantime, Erika must fall to my power and I must prepare for the coming of my #1 favorite Pokemon of all time, "the Destroyer of Fucking Worlds".
Dugtrio, Lvl 34
Kadabra, Lvl 32
Charmeleon, Lvl 31
Haunter, Lvl 29
Growlithe, Lvl 28
Vileplume, Lvl 26
Pokedex: 40, Badges: 3
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