Fuck You, Squinty!

Oh shit! Do you see this shit? Do you see it?!

Boom! Beedrill.  Suck it, sluts! Ain't nowhere to go now but Pain Town! Alright, I think I've got the goods now to take out this cocky, squinty-eyed fucker.

And that wasn't an anti-Asian racist thing...dude just has squinty-ass eyes.  Alright, here's the first ever Gym Leader Play-By-Play!

Pewter City Gym: Brock, the Rock-Type Dude

First up: Lazy-Ass Geodude

I call him Lazy-Ass Geodude because fucker only really ever used Defense Curl.  So I'm like, "Okay, time to level Pikachu."  The second I sent him out, though, this fucker used Tackle and wipe Pikachu the fuck out.  So, I sent out Pidgey to sort of take the heat off my other guys, but Geodude kept using Defense Curl, even though shit wasn't doing anything anymore.

Then I had a thought...

Pro-Tip: Don't count out attacks that don't do damage.  They can be useful in certain situations.

I just hit this fucker with Sand Attack over and over again until he couldn't hit the broad side of a barn, then motherfucking Charmander came out to pimp-slap this rock around 'til he fucking died.  Boom.

Final Opponent: Wait-For-It Onix

Sent Pidgey back out to Sand-Attack this asshole and start the cycle anew, but this guy uses Bide.  I forgot what that shit did until I saw it.  Basically, Onix waits, doesn't attack, let's you hit him for a few turns, then does double that damage against you like three turns later.

But can't do any damage if I just do Sand Attack, can you.  OHHHHHHHHHHHH!

So much sand in his eyes, can't do shit, sent out Caterpie to milk some experience, then took out Charmander to seal the deal with some fuck-you-up Ember attacks, which actually causes burns.  Did you know that? I didn't.  Nothing ever fucking stayed burned, though, since Brock carries a bunch of Full Heals.  I call bullshit.

Fuck him.  Onix died.  Boulderbadge.  Metapod.

Now, you're all caught up.  To get everyone fully up to speed, this is what the current party looks like:

Charmander, Lvl 13
Pidgey, Lvl 12
Beedrill, Lvl 10
Nidoran, Lvl 10
Pikachu, Lvl 9
Metapod, Lvl 7

Pokedex: 9, Badges: 1

It's off to Mount Moooooooooooooooooooooooon!