Bulbasaur is for Pussies

Alright, right off the bat, you have to deal with Professor Oak talking about Pokemon and shit at Medium Text Speed (because you can't adjust the text speed until you name yourself and your rival), so that's fucking irritating.

So, the first thing you get to do is name this sexy bitch:

In the canon, this character is called Red.  In the manga/anime, he's Ash Ketchum.  In my game, in honor of the Game-Grumps JonTron and Egoraptor, he will be known by the following name:

Fuck, I

Why, you ask, would I name him that? Think of the in-game messages.  "Fuck, I threw a Pokeball!" "Fuck, I caught Pidgey!" "Fuck, I defeated Bug Catcher!" Hysterical.

Then, there's this cunt:

This fucking cunt always picks the Pokemon strongest against yours, makes fun of your shit, and is a total fuck-ass.  However, his loving grandfather, Professor Oak, forgot his fucking name, so you get to call him any name you want...

...so he became Ass-Bag.

Yes, it's crude, but you know what? HE is fucking crude.  His existence offends me.  So fuck him.

Now, the most important fucking decision in the entire game: what is your starting Pokemon? You get three choices, and they are Charmander, Squirtle, and Bulbasaur.  Now, according to what kind of challenge you want from the game, you pick from the above, hardest to easiest.  Now, everyone's entitled to their own preferred difficulty, but there's only one right answer to this question...

Goddamn right.  Anyone who picks Bulbasaur is a fucking pussy.  So what if you don't get an advantage until Erika in Celadon City? You afraid of a challenge? Fuck you, slut.  Pick the lizard.

But yeah...fucking Squirtle kicked my ass, so that fucking blows.  You win the first fight and you automatically pop up to Level 6, which is goddamn helpful.  Now, gotta hit the road with a Level 5 Charmander with self-confidence issues and try to build a team to slow Brock down from fucking me up.  Here we go!